“What you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny.” Robin Sharma
A couple months ago, one of my girlfriends was ranting about there not being any good men. She openly declared that the quality of men in the Caribbean was poor and questionable and she was seriously considering importing a ‘good’ batch from another country.
While I laughed at the cleverness of her comment, I also took the opportunity to remind her that if, this is what she truly believed then that’s exactly what she would continue to experience.
I’m sure quite a few of the women reading this, might be tempted to chime in and agree with my friend but before you do, please give me an opportunity to share a different perspective that might convince you otherwise.
“Your reality is a reflection of your strongest belief.” Unknown
What we believe, essentially determines how we see and experience the world. Beliefs work by causing us to narrow our attention or focus to see only that which the belief dictates.
One of the important factors to note about a belief, however, is its subjective nature. A belief is really an acceptance that something exists or is true, especially one without proof. What this means is that a belief is not necessarily based on facts but instead, on a personal interpretation.
Returning to my friend’s dialogue about there not being any good men in our region, her conclusion was really an opinion and not a fact, which was based on her perception, centered on her interpretation of her personal experiences.
If her determination was in fact an absolute truth, then everyone else would have conclusively agreed with the notion. But this is certainly not my truth or experience, and neither is it the truth and experience of several other women, who have encountered good men.
My friend’s adopted interpretation of there being no good men, which was based on her limited experience with a few men, dictated the way she saw all men within the region. This of course determined where her focus was, which ultimately created the experience she had with the subsequent men she would meet.
This experience is similar to placing your hands on the sides of your face, so that it blocks out your periphery vision. This naturally causes you to only fixate your attention to what is before you. Your vision of anything else outside of your fixated view becomes obscured. But this does not mean that more does not exist.
As creators of our reality, life will always reflect back to us, what we believe and will only give us more of what we are focused on because that’s what we are basically asking to experience more of.
Understanding this Universal Law is a game changer and has the potential to transform your life in a profound and meaningful way, of course once used to your benefit.
“You attract into your life more of that which you give focus to and spend your energy on.” Unknown
The truth is, my friend’s belief and therefore what she was giving her attention to, which was the ‘not good’ nature of men, unfortunately, is also a shared perspective of a large majority of women.
This dominant perspective has blinded many women from seeing and meeting all of the loving, kind, amazing men, who live right here within the region, simply because of where their attention was placed.
How do we then reverse this unserving, limiting perspective? The simple answer is to change what we are focused on, which as indicated above, is based on what we believe.
A good place to start is by uncovering your beliefs about men and relationships. Once you become aware of the beliefs your sub-conscious mind holds, you are then empowered to make the necessary changes.
Spend time meditatively asking yourself the following questions and non-judgmentally allowing the answers to come into your awareness:
- What are my beliefs about men?
- What are my beliefs about romantic relationships?
Based on your answers, then ask yourself the next few questions to determine if your current beliefs are helping you or hindering you:
- Are these beliefs currently serving me?
- Are these beliefs limiting my experience?
- Are these beliefs helping me to attract the type of partner I am desiring?
If any of the beliefs you listed are in fact limiting your interactions with men, you have the power to consciously change them to more serving, expansive beliefs that will inevitably change your focus and therefore your experience.
Remember what you focus on expands, so my challenge for all women in the region is to collectively expand more of what we actually want, which is an abundance of great men, instead of what we don’t want.
Let’s start a different dialogue and create more serving perspectives and beliefs like:
- There are so many good men in the Caribbean
- The men I meet are committed and supportive
- Caribbean men are loving and kind
- Men are great partners and great nurtures
- The men in the region are excellent fathers and role models
- Men are trustworthy