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13th
Feburary 2010
What a Wick:
the last 7 days in 19 (6th to 12th February,
2010)
 T&T
carnival is on this weekend! Trinidadian’s
call their carnival the greatest show on earth
and soca music is used to coordinate the whole
shebang. With soca it’s always “instruction
time”, and while it’s ok to follow
some directions, you should never absent discretion.
Keep your head on.
1) Don’t count on a particular teenage
girl from England being there “jouvert
morning”. She suffers from Sleeping Beauty
Syndrome and can sleep for as long as 13 days
at a time.
2) A German man definitely “got on bad”
when he robbed an arcade only by threatening
to hit the cashier with a coffee mug. The cashier
definitely wasn’t saying “give it
to me”.
3) Though you’ve been instructed to go
“down de road” and “bounce
somebody”, don’t take it literally,
even if the somebody is already lying in the
middle of the road. A Bermudian man was found
liable for the death of a countryman in such
a situation.
4) If you’re like Sarah Palin, in that
you write important notes on your hands, it’s
probably not a good idea to “put your
hands in the air.”
5) An Austrian gave up his £3 million
fortune because he claimed to be unhappy. Hope
he knows that the soca singers’ happiness
came from “chipping on the pavement”
and not “sleeping on the pavement”.
6) “Bend over and touch de ground”
is quite possibly what the Jamaican who was
caught trying to smuggle cocaine out of the
country was told. He had the drugs stashed away
in his anus.
7) Venezuelans held a prayer meeting in hopes
of solving the power crisis and their water
shortage woes so they’re praying for “excess
energy” and for “bodies to be soaking
wet.”
8) “Jump up, jump up!” I imagine
that the Jamaican teacher who got flogged with
a belt by his principal did just that. The principal
took such action because he thought that the
teacher should have been in class and not idling
in the staffroom.
9) Seven men were finally arrested for stealing
$1 million in valuables from Brian Lara’s
house last year. If they were asked to “wave
their flags”, there would be 6 Guyanese
flags, 1 Jamaican flag.
10) An Australian swallowed 18 swords to set
a new Guinness World Record. There should have
been no mention of “jukking” at
the time of his performance.
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11) A US man
tried to purchase crack with a credit card.
This is what Ricky T would refer to as “mad,
ma, ma, mad, ma, ma, mad….”
12) An Israeli man enslaved 17 women and 37
children but he maintained that he was good
to them and apparently they were just “palancing”.
13) The “big truck” is not always
a symbol of fun. A Jamaican got hit by a Courts
truck, and this week Courts was ordered to
pay him $ 1.53 million worth of Viagra (out
of a total settlement of $45.85 million) since
he now suffers from erectile dysfunction as
a result.
14) For Amy Whinehouse, it’s “time
to breakaway” to work on a new album.
She’s headed to Jamaica to do so.
15) The tapeworm diet is becoming very popular
in Hong Kong as women aspire to be thin at
all costs. Officials are warning against it
for health reasons. Soca is pleading against
it for the sake of the “bomper”
which the ladies need to “roll”,
“shake” and “wine”.
16) New pictures of the 9/11 devastation,
when the terrorist sadly “mash up de
place”, were finally released this week.
17) An Arab ambassador called off his wedding,
after he discovered that his fiancée
had a beard and was cross-eyed. Thank goodness
he “push back” that veil before
those I Do’s.
18) This week, Bill Clinton underwent a heart
procedure and he’s recovering nicely,
but no “jamming on somebody” or
“grooving in a party” allowed
yet.
19) The “Wickedest whine” is the
best way to describe China’s continued
insistence that Obama should not meet with
the Dalai Lama. China warns that this will
put a further stain on US – China relations.
Consider yourselves up to speed…..
Discuss
Story
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