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17th
April 2010
Restoration of Fatherhood
(Con’t from
last
Weekend VOICE)
At
this stage one significant point must be noted:
children both admire and fear their father’s
strength. On one hand they want their father
to be strong and powerful [self confident and
determined] but they may also be frightened
at times by that power. Walking the middle ground
between dominance and permissiveness can sometimes
be difficult for a father. The question however
needs to be asked: how can a father influence
his child? First it is necessary for fathers
to establish and maintain reasonable limits
for their children because children respect
parents who provide firm but gentle guidance.
They also benefit from parents who gradually
allow them to make decisions on their own. In
addition fathers should listen and be responsive
to their children’s suggestion whenever
possible.
There are times when children do not have these
choices. Parents often have to have the final
word. The goal might be to achieve an appropriate
balance of influence in the relationship. When
children feel accepted and respected in a relationship
they will begin to develop close feelings of
mutual affection. Fathers who are never involved
with their children and are either too permissive
or too dominant are not very likely to become
close to their children. Also, fathers who expect
to be constantly vigilant disciplinarians, who
show no tenderness, create a climate of coldness
that puts distance in their relationship with
their children.
It is important to consider further research
on father – child affection that demonstrates
the following:
- Generosity in pre-school boys was more likely
when they viewed their father as affectionate
and comforting
- Altruism in children grades 3 – 6 was
more likely when their father participated in
caring for them during infancy
- Loving fathers who provide reasonable, firm
guidance without arbitrarily imposing there
will promote competence in their children. Unloving,
punitive, authoritarian fathers tend to produce
dependent, withdrawn, anxious and dejected children
- Warm, accepting fathers tend to have children
with high self-esteem. Alienated adolescents
view their father as hostile and non-accepting.
- Warm, affectionate fathers influence the development
of their children’s sex role behaviour.
They also have a positive influence on achievement
and peer popularity in boys and personal adjustment
in girls.
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- Adolescent daughters recalled
less affection and support from their fathers
than the father recalled expressing. Daughters
wish they had received and fathers wish they
had given more affection and support
- Adolescent boys who thought they were similar
to their fathers were likely to be popular
with their peers
- Adolescent boys were more likely to be similar
to their fathers when the fathers were perceived
as rewarding, gratifying and understanding
- Mothers are more interested in the nursing
and care of newborns when fathers are emotionally
supportive.
In conclusion, it must be said that there
are certain realities of life that can never
be changed. Example the existence of God.
In our short life span if we choose to disregard
this fact and pursue other things that are
considered abnormal - this can only lead to
pain and suffering. Not just for ourselves
but also for the children, wife, mother, other
family members and the community at large.
What we are experiencing today is the consequence
of how we live, our lives and how un-Godly
we have become. God our Creator and Father
has made each one of us to have a family bond
with Him. Because of this the human heart
is constantly restless until it finds God
and stand united with the true Father. There
is no escaping: fatherhood is definitely religious
because earthly fatherhood derives its existence
from the fatherhood of God. In addition the
earthly father can influence their children
to an extent far beyond reasonable expectations
of the secular world. St Lucian fathers need
to show some leadership.
We need to put God first in our pursuit of
fatherhood and caring for our families, otherwise
our society will remain what it is now –
a cesspool of crime, murder and corruption.
In order that we can love and care for our
children, we need to mirror God’s love
for us and the only way to achieve this is
to encounter Him directly. Then, out of the
abundance of divine sonship we will discover
the strength to become the true kind of fathers
we ought to be. It is said, that the family
is the sanctuary of life. Since the father
is the head of the family - it is obvious
that he has a tremendous responsibility. Father
and family – one cannot exist without
the other. It is very clear now that the future
of our communities and nation hinges desperately
upon the Restoration of Fatherhood.
By Peter Fevrier
Family & Life Secretariat Roman
Catholic Church
Discuss
Story
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