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17th
July 2010
Funnyyyy
…
I
just could not resist passing this one
on, sent to me by Gros Kent (I told you
before: that’s our Samarian name
for Hogarth Hippolyte, a classmate and
lifelong friend of mine). It’s one
of the truly funniest things I’ve
read in a long time, but don’t take
my word for it … read on and then
judge for yourself.
And remember, not everybody has as excellent
a sense of humour as G. K., you and I.
Here we go:
The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational
once again invited readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying
a house, which renders the subject financially
impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who’s both
stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a
tax refund, which lasts until you realize
it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life
as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding
stupid people that stops bright ideas
from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in
the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about
yourself for the purpose of getting laid..
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted
very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author
of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t
get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously
when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It’s like, when
everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
Earth explodes and it’s like, a
serious bummer.
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12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that are
good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas
to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance
performed just after you’ve accidentally
walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the
morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after
finding half a worm in the fruit you’re
eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning
submissions to its yearly contest, in which
readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering
how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever
having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while
drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering
the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks
up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after
death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets
stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of
boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
Discuss
Story
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