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26th
June 2010
To Call
Or Not To Call
By Sherlana Ernest
An episode of my favorite Lifetime series,
Drop Dead Diva, had me pondering the concept
of ‘the call’. The scenario was
one where the main character, Jane and her best
friend are debating whether or not Jane should
call a guy she really likes, after the fact
that he hasn’t returned three previous
calls. What to do!
I am not all that certain Jane’s friend
gave her the proper advice or any advice for
that matter (the friend was a real blonde, no
offense!). I wondered what I would do in Jane’s
place. Should you call a guy or girl if they
haven’t called you? Should you call, even
if the other person promised to call and hasn’t?
How many times have we heard the ‘I’ll
call you’ and waited anxiously, clutching
our Blackberries?
According to John Ortved, writer and former
editorial associate at Vanity Fair, ‘I’ll
call you’ followed by no call, almost
always means ‘no thanks.’ Ortved,
in an article titled ‘What it means when
he says I’ll call you’, stated that,
“I’ll call you” means, “I
will not be calling you.” “I wish
I had better news for you. Like, if he had adds
something more specific, something along the
lines of “I’ll call you …
after work tomorrow,” or “I’ll
call you … after my hibernation”
(I don’t know, I guess you are a pair
of bears dating in this hypothetical situation),
then I might advise you to wait and see. But
“I’ll call you,” followed
by no call, almost always means “no thanks.”
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Quite
hilariously, Ortved continued, “I’m
all for being real, but are you sure it would
be better if he said something like “Nice
to meet you”? I know that not knowing
always seems worse than being rejected, but
ask yourself, if you’re working under
the assumption that “I’ll call you”
means the opposite, would any of these vagueries
really make you feel any better?”
But everyone has their own reasons for not keeping
the ‘I’ll call you’ promise.
For instance Ortved gave his reason, “I’ve
definitely made similar complaints, but what
tends to gnaw at me isn’t that the young
lady in question hasn’t given me an up-or-down
verdict, it’s that I like her and there’s
no indication that she likes me back (e.g. that
my expectations aren’t where they should
be).”
Maybe a scientific theory can be applied to
matters of the heart. Heard of Occam’s
Razor? Essentially, this theory more or less
states ‘keep things simple’. It
is never a good idea to worry over and complicate
things when in doubt. Why not try Ortved’s
advice, as counter-intuitive as it may sound.
‘Try treating your nights out less formally.
Stop seeing them so much as “dates”
with good markers, bad markers, signs and conclusions
drawn from things like kisses goodnight, or
parting comments. Relax, hang out, and literally,
just see where it goes.’
Discuss
Story
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