10th
July 2010
RELATIONSHIPS:
All’s Fair In Love And War
Sherlana Ernest
 ‘I
hate your guts!’ or ‘You make me
sick, I wish I never laid eyes on you!’,
are some of the common phrases uttered by couples
in a row. Do they really mean these offensive
words? And if they don’t mean them, why
would you say something hurtful to someone you
care about? Of course in the midst of anger,
some of us can’t control what we say.
Which only proves that we should practise curbing
some of our emotions. All for the sake of keeping
our relationships positive, if indeed they are
worthwhile.
According to Kansas State University (KSU) Counseling
services, fighting fair is to one way to continue
having a good relationship. KSU online service,
k-State, states that ‘most relationships
have some conflict. It only means you disagree
about something, it doesn’t have to mean
you don’t like each other!’
The website’s counselors further explained
that when you have a problem in a relationship,
you should practice the following:
• Negotiate a time to talk about
it. Don’t have difficult conversations
when you are very angry or tired. Ask, “When
is a good time to talk about something that
is bothering me?” Healthy relationships
are based on respect and have room for both.
• Don’t criticize.
Attack the problem, not the other person. Open
sensitive conversations with “I”
statements; talk about how you struggle with
the problem. Don’t open with “you”
statements; avoid blaming the other person for
your thoughts and feelings. Healthy relationships
don’t blame.
• Don’t assign feelings
or motives. Let others speak for themselves.
Healthy relationships recognize each person’s
right to explain themselves.
• Stay with the topic.
Don’t use a current concern as a reason
to jump into everything that bothers you. Healthy
relationships don’t use ammunition from
the past to fuel the present.
• Say, “I’m sorry”
when you’re wrong. It goes a
long way in making things right again. Healthy
relationships can admit mistakes.
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