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28th
August 2010
The Ugly
Truth
Sherlana Ernest
You
may be surprised to know that some aspects of
Business can be applied to your relationship/love
life. For instance, in Business class (not for
dummies), I learnt that when a contract has
been signed, it is the onus of both parties
involved, to honour that contract or else. In
terms of our relationships and all the emotion
and time we invest into them, couldn’t
we apply this contract-aspect? Most definitely!
We all know, and some of us dread, this word
and what it implies (or what we think it implies):
Compromise. The latter is one of the hardest
facets of being in a relationship. Someone once
told me that to compromise is like ‘agreeing
to disagree.’ Many people think of compromise
has a loss of all their rights when it comes
to relationships. That is not true. Or let’s
just say that is not true for healthy relationships.
The ugly truth is, in a thriving relationship,
two parties (just like in business) have to
compromise. Think of it this way, you have a
room and you invite someone over. Now, the room
is to be shared between the two of you. It is
not fair if one person hogs all the space. It
would not be right if both persons didn’t
help clean up. Essentially, it is the same with
having a spouse/significant other. We have to
make room for them in our lives (physically
and emotionally).
“But I give more!” is very normal
complaint. With every relationship it is different.
One has to take into account the other person’s
job and family obligation, amongst other things.
To compromise also means setting boundaries
and knowing when to be flexible. |
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Each
couple knows their limits and should set their
relationship rules based on that. Also, each
party should know that what they need for themselves
may not be what their partner needs. A balance
needs to be sought.
After reading on relationships and compromise,
I came across the phrase ‘bad compromise.’
Such a term was foreign to me. Wasn’t
compromising always a good thing? According
to an article on Hunpages.com, “Wrong
compromises are where you have you suffered
a loss when you compromised with someone. If
a compromise makes you feel taken advantage
of or wronged then it is not a healthy compromise
in any type of relationship.”
It continues, “Keep in mind when making
a compromise you need to keep three key elements
in play: 1. Mutual respect for all involved,
2. Complete honesty in how you feel and think,
and 3. Good intentions and good will for all
involved.
“Before you compromise with anyone about
anything, create some basic ‘rules’
or guidelines that each person agrees to and
will honour during the conversation regarding
what you are trying to compromise on.”
Sometimes individuals are fearful of how their
partners will react if they state their likes,
dislikes and limits. If you want your relationship
to progress then it is a must to share the aforementioned.
And if you are willing to compromise and your
significant other isn’t, then you must
face another ugly truth. That maybe, just maybe,
that person is not right for you!
Discuss
Story
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